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Cl^sQ-JC HEAR YE APRILE FOOLE GAZETTE Vol. XXX, No. 10 Denver, Colorado, Thursday, March 23, 1944 Price 10 Cents Columbus Finds America Killers Knife Julius Caesar March 15, 395; Romeo, Italy—By wires of the Unintelligible Press Assn. JULIUS CAESAR, FAMOUS SOLDIER, statesman and Roman emperor for five years, was brutally stabbed in the back today as he left a bitter session of the Senate. He died in a police ambulance an hour later, while on the way to the Roman General Hospital. As he fell, the dying man was heard to exclaim, "Et tu Brute," which has led witnesses to believe that his assassin is his former friend, Lucius Junius, known to most as "Brutus." Police are now searching for Brutus in the vicinity of the Gallic border, where he has been sighted. Mr. Caesar is particularly well known for his successful campaigns in Gaul and for the widely read book he wrote, telling of his experiences while there, which begins with the stirring line, "Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres." During one summer expedition, Mr. Caesar and his forces conducted the difficult invasion of the British isles, quickly subduing the enemy with superior tank and air forces. Since then he has done much for the capital city, and for his territory, instituting free comedies at the local stadiums, and chariot races twice a week. Mark Antony, his friend, will fly to Rome tomorrow, to deliver a farewell address for Mr. Caesar in the Forum. He is expected to have a definite statement on the whereabouts of the assassinator, Brutus. Caesar was stabbed 39 times and although he fell at the foot of Pompey's statue after the 57th stroke, the ruthless desperadoes, however, continued their chiseling. Nero Gets Hep In Hot Session Romeo, Italy,—January 24, 647 B. C. NERO, THE EMINENT VIOLIN VIRTUOSO, gave forth with one of the "HOTTEST" performances of his entire career, at the Coliseum tonight. At a press conference after the concert, Nero laughed fiendishly and told reporters, "There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight." He then left for his fashionable palace near Rome in his super-six chariot with fluid drive. For many years Nero has thrilled the hearts of Roman music lovers and is reported to be the girls' "Sizzle King of Swing." Nero also runs the local political machine in his spare time. In a recent interview Nero said, quote, "I feel that if you can finish this statement satisfactorily in 2,000 words I will guarantee to send you a box of Fluffy Flakes, the fluffiest flakes for the fewest cents." Nero is planning a brief trip to the United States for the purpose of voting for Mr. Roosevelt, after which he will return immediately to Rome. The reason for his immediate return after voting is summed up thusly by Nero, "Well, I'm dreaming that some day Eleanor will come and rub noses with me too." Local Boy Makes Good . . . Pictured above is Chris Columbus, the Italian umbriago, sent to discover this country by Isie and Ferdie of Spain. Strong Man Gets Clipped Dromedary, Persia. — February 30, 100 B. C—IT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY AT National-Draft Headquarters that Sampson, the nation's number one strong man and long hair boy, had been captured by Delilah. The full details of the plot that clipped Sampson's curly locks, the symbol of his strength, have just been revealed. It seems that Sampson was walking by a crowd of people listening to Frankie McSwur- gle croon, when Miss Delilah swooned. Sampson, doing just what any other man would do if a beautiful woman fainted at his feet, hurried to pick her up—and—call a doctor. While he was thus engaged, Delilah slipped a "micky" into his bottle of Pepsi-Cola and after taking one little drink Sampson was out for the count. It was but the work of a second and the nation's number one draft dodger was given a G. I. haircut and was on his way to Fort Dix for basic training. Delilah's new assignment for the government was not revealed but it is believed she has been handed the job of helping to catch Hose Nose. a\mi.ino | mi■ \\ Nuttingham, England.—June 32,1428 —ROBIN HOOD, ENTRANT FROM THE WOODS OF SHERWOOD, emerged victor over Archibald Who- don't, representative of the palace ladies, in the annual archery tournament held yesterday at the King's palace. •osmpqojv ^Hl jo araoq oxft UIOJJ uo[o;s po^iodoj; sum sdiu -.nil poAjtsswd ut 000'000'T$ %**& ¥»J *m o% ^qnop ou anp si srqj, *q.oqs 3q pmoqs poojj uiqoa yev$ sirei ^booa^oj jo qstuo aaddn aqi Suoure SuimoxS si Sutpaj %vx$ paoiumi si }i 'jqaoayoh \iood aq3 jo uoidureip oirj sb sjboa" }SBd otft Suunp uoi^ni3oDOJ poureS SBq pooj[ Italian Eagle In New York CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, explorer and adventurer, arrived in New York City at 10 a. m. yesterday morning. Although his ship the Santa Maria docked three days ago, Columbus was prevented from landing by a serious attack of sea sickness. With sirens blowing, a police escort of 100 motorcycles preceded the great man as he pedaled his bicycle up 5th Avenue en route to his suite at the Waldorf-Astoria. •paq sn{ uo aybj oq sb sjo^jodoj o^ ^uoui -moo Suraioui pooS s,snqunqo3 sba\ 4/punojB pus punojB sooS pfJOjW. ayo^j oqi ui Suiq^ -a^ioao yam uoraido oqi o^ auioo OABq i 'sqnp ^qSiu ^soSxej s^joj^ avo^ ^b jo£bj{ oq^ ^q paure^jania Suraq jo^jb ^nq 'punoj sbav pijoa\ oqq. }Bqi OAOipq y>u pip odojnjj ui aidooj,, His greatest surprise lay in the fact that buses were so crowded. When conditions were explained to him he was deeply sorrowed to realize that he had left his own Jeep at home. The discoverer's first official comment was to explain that he had not left Italy in a fit of anger but had gone to Spain as a house- guest of Ferdinand and Isabella and while discussing world affairs they had persuaded him to come to America as their representative to invite The Lone Ranger to visit Spain for a while. The journey, he explained, was hard due not so much to the terrific storms and sea monsters, but because the lightning caused the lights to go out and in the confusion he lost his copy of Superman and could not locate it for some time. He said his plans for the future will include other than a movie contract, a course with Charles Atlas to build him up physically. He explains his rundown condition as being due to the diet of hot dogs and cokes which was the only food served and says he looks forward to some "gold old American hard tack." His parting comment as he left for the neighborhood juke box to pursue his favorite pastime, jitterbugging, was "Isn't the shortage of Kleenex awful!" Willy la Chick In Crusades Sahara Desert, March 21, 1112. CRUSADERS ARE ON THE MARCH AGAIN according to the office of William the Chicken Hearted in the middle of the front of the Sahara Dessert. Rumors along the frontier told of the coming of the Crusaders, but they were not accepted until the "Fowle Men" were seen, guided by Danny Boone, approaching a desert Oasis. Here they caused a general uproar, because the car hops, Pocahontas, Mary, Queen of Scots, Matie Antoinette, and Madam Pompa- door did not give them immediate service. The Crusaders are divided into four groups. The first plutoon is commanded by Geoffrey the Dook of Chickenfoot; the second by Dale the Lawd of Roostervilla; the third, by Sir Charley Duckteeth; and the fourth by Sir March Cockadoodle. The commander-in-chief of the Crusaders is Sir William, who had experience in the poultry business some years before when he was head of the Rooster Raiders.
Object Description
Call Number | C379.7881 E13sp |
Title | East High spotlight: vol 30 no 10 |
Alternate Title | The Spot light : official publication of the students of E.D.H.S. |
Creator | East High School (Denver, Colo.) |
Date | 1944 March 23 |
Summary | Newspaper produced by East High School of Denver, Colorado. Included in the paper are photographs of students, articles on school events and sports. |
Description | 8 p. |
Subject | East High School (Denver, Colo.)--Students--Writings.; East High School (Denver, Colo.)--Periodicals.; High schools--Colorado--Denver--Periodicals.; Public schools--Colorado--Denver.; High schools--Colorado--Denver.; East High School (Denver, Colo.) |
Geographic Area | Denver (Colo.) |
Format-Medium | Document |
Rights Contact Information | Copyright restrictions applying to use or reproduction of this image available from the Western History and Genealogy Dept., Denver Public Library, at photosales@denverlibrary.org. |
Reproduction Available for Purchase | Yes (digital reproduction) |
Notes | 1600 City Park Esplanade |
Description
Call Number | C379.7881 E13sp |
Title | East High spotlight: vol 30 no 10 |
Alternate Title | The Spot light : official publication of the students of E.D.H.S. |
Creator | East High School (Denver, Colo.) |
Date | 1944 March 23 |
Summary | Newspaper produced by East High School of Denver, Colorado. Included in the paper are photographs of students, articles on school events and sports. |
Description | 8 p. |
Subject | East High School (Denver, Colo.)--Students--Writings.; East High School (Denver, Colo.)--Periodicals.; High schools--Colorado--Denver--Periodicals.; Public schools--Colorado--Denver.; High schools--Colorado--Denver.; East High School (Denver, Colo.) |
Zip Code | 80206 |
Format-Medium | Document |
Rights Contact Information | Copyright restrictions applying to use or reproduction of this image available from the Western History and Genealogy Dept., Denver Public Library, at photosales@denverlibrary.org. |
Reproduction Available for Purchase | Yes (digital reproduction) |
Notes | 1600 City Park Esplanade |
Full-Text | Cl^sQ-JC HEAR YE APRILE FOOLE GAZETTE Vol. XXX, No. 10 Denver, Colorado, Thursday, March 23, 1944 Price 10 Cents Columbus Finds America Killers Knife Julius Caesar March 15, 395; Romeo, Italy—By wires of the Unintelligible Press Assn. JULIUS CAESAR, FAMOUS SOLDIER, statesman and Roman emperor for five years, was brutally stabbed in the back today as he left a bitter session of the Senate. He died in a police ambulance an hour later, while on the way to the Roman General Hospital. As he fell, the dying man was heard to exclaim, "Et tu Brute" which has led witnesses to believe that his assassin is his former friend, Lucius Junius, known to most as "Brutus." Police are now searching for Brutus in the vicinity of the Gallic border, where he has been sighted. Mr. Caesar is particularly well known for his successful campaigns in Gaul and for the widely read book he wrote, telling of his experiences while there, which begins with the stirring line, "Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres." During one summer expedition, Mr. Caesar and his forces conducted the difficult invasion of the British isles, quickly subduing the enemy with superior tank and air forces. Since then he has done much for the capital city, and for his territory, instituting free comedies at the local stadiums, and chariot races twice a week. Mark Antony, his friend, will fly to Rome tomorrow, to deliver a farewell address for Mr. Caesar in the Forum. He is expected to have a definite statement on the whereabouts of the assassinator, Brutus. Caesar was stabbed 39 times and although he fell at the foot of Pompey's statue after the 57th stroke, the ruthless desperadoes, however, continued their chiseling. Nero Gets Hep In Hot Session Romeo, Italy,—January 24, 647 B. C. NERO, THE EMINENT VIOLIN VIRTUOSO, gave forth with one of the "HOTTEST" performances of his entire career, at the Coliseum tonight. At a press conference after the concert, Nero laughed fiendishly and told reporters, "There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight." He then left for his fashionable palace near Rome in his super-six chariot with fluid drive. For many years Nero has thrilled the hearts of Roman music lovers and is reported to be the girls' "Sizzle King of Swing." Nero also runs the local political machine in his spare time. In a recent interview Nero said, quote, "I feel that if you can finish this statement satisfactorily in 2,000 words I will guarantee to send you a box of Fluffy Flakes, the fluffiest flakes for the fewest cents." Nero is planning a brief trip to the United States for the purpose of voting for Mr. Roosevelt, after which he will return immediately to Rome. The reason for his immediate return after voting is summed up thusly by Nero, "Well, I'm dreaming that some day Eleanor will come and rub noses with me too." Local Boy Makes Good . . . Pictured above is Chris Columbus, the Italian umbriago, sent to discover this country by Isie and Ferdie of Spain. Strong Man Gets Clipped Dromedary, Persia. — February 30, 100 B. C—IT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY AT National-Draft Headquarters that Sampson, the nation's number one strong man and long hair boy, had been captured by Delilah. The full details of the plot that clipped Sampson's curly locks, the symbol of his strength, have just been revealed. It seems that Sampson was walking by a crowd of people listening to Frankie McSwur- gle croon, when Miss Delilah swooned. Sampson, doing just what any other man would do if a beautiful woman fainted at his feet, hurried to pick her up—and—call a doctor. While he was thus engaged, Delilah slipped a "micky" into his bottle of Pepsi-Cola and after taking one little drink Sampson was out for the count. It was but the work of a second and the nation's number one draft dodger was given a G. I. haircut and was on his way to Fort Dix for basic training. Delilah's new assignment for the government was not revealed but it is believed she has been handed the job of helping to catch Hose Nose. a\mi.ino | mi■ \\ Nuttingham, England.—June 32,1428 —ROBIN HOOD, ENTRANT FROM THE WOODS OF SHERWOOD, emerged victor over Archibald Who- don't, representative of the palace ladies, in the annual archery tournament held yesterday at the King's palace. •osmpqojv ^Hl jo araoq oxft UIOJJ uo[o;s po^iodoj; sum sdiu -.nil poAjtsswd ut 000'000'T$ %**& ¥»J *m o% ^qnop ou anp si srqj, *q.oqs 3q pmoqs poojj uiqoa yev$ sirei ^booa^oj jo qstuo aaddn aqi Suoure SuimoxS si Sutpaj %vx$ paoiumi si }i 'jqaoayoh \iood aq3 jo uoidureip oirj sb sjboa" }SBd otft Suunp uoi^ni3oDOJ poureS SBq pooj[ Italian Eagle In New York CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, explorer and adventurer, arrived in New York City at 10 a. m. yesterday morning. Although his ship the Santa Maria docked three days ago, Columbus was prevented from landing by a serious attack of sea sickness. With sirens blowing, a police escort of 100 motorcycles preceded the great man as he pedaled his bicycle up 5th Avenue en route to his suite at the Waldorf-Astoria. •paq sn{ uo aybj oq sb sjo^jodoj o^ ^uoui -moo Suraioui pooS s,snqunqo3 sba\ 4/punojB pus punojB sooS pfJOjW. ayo^j oqi ui Suiq^ -a^ioao yam uoraido oqi o^ auioo OABq i 'sqnp ^qSiu ^soSxej s^joj^ avo^ ^b jo£bj{ oq^ ^q paure^jania Suraq jo^jb ^nq 'punoj sbav pijoa\ oqq. }Bqi OAOipq y>u pip odojnjj ui aidooj,, His greatest surprise lay in the fact that buses were so crowded. When conditions were explained to him he was deeply sorrowed to realize that he had left his own Jeep at home. The discoverer's first official comment was to explain that he had not left Italy in a fit of anger but had gone to Spain as a house- guest of Ferdinand and Isabella and while discussing world affairs they had persuaded him to come to America as their representative to invite The Lone Ranger to visit Spain for a while. The journey, he explained, was hard due not so much to the terrific storms and sea monsters, but because the lightning caused the lights to go out and in the confusion he lost his copy of Superman and could not locate it for some time. He said his plans for the future will include other than a movie contract, a course with Charles Atlas to build him up physically. He explains his rundown condition as being due to the diet of hot dogs and cokes which was the only food served and says he looks forward to some "gold old American hard tack." His parting comment as he left for the neighborhood juke box to pursue his favorite pastime, jitterbugging, was "Isn't the shortage of Kleenex awful!" Willy la Chick In Crusades Sahara Desert, March 21, 1112. CRUSADERS ARE ON THE MARCH AGAIN according to the office of William the Chicken Hearted in the middle of the front of the Sahara Dessert. Rumors along the frontier told of the coming of the Crusaders, but they were not accepted until the "Fowle Men" were seen, guided by Danny Boone, approaching a desert Oasis. Here they caused a general uproar, because the car hops, Pocahontas, Mary, Queen of Scots, Matie Antoinette, and Madam Pompa- door did not give them immediate service. The Crusaders are divided into four groups. The first plutoon is commanded by Geoffrey the Dook of Chickenfoot; the second by Dale the Lawd of Roostervilla; the third, by Sir Charley Duckteeth; and the fourth by Sir March Cockadoodle. The commander-in-chief of the Crusaders is Sir William, who had experience in the poultry business some years before when he was head of the Rooster Raiders. |
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